Why I have an anchor.

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If you were to take a look into someones life, what do you think you would see? Do you think that the life they put on social media matches the reality of their minds? It is believed that each person lives three separate lives: the life they think they lived, the life others think they lived, and the life they actually lived. The life I think I have lived so far isn’t exactly one that I am proud of, however it is my life, my decisions, and my actions all creating a narrative that depicts the person I am today. Without my story I would be nothing, and one important lesson i think is valuable to all others is the application of an anchor.

Over this past year a lot in my life has changed, I not only left for college but I also saw many of my darkest days. I had internal battles that were affecting my studies and my head was wandering from what was right and wrong. Life was simply loosing its appeal and I had no clue why. I wondered for a long time what my purpose was and for a while there it almost felt as though I didn’t have one. My life lacked relevance to myself and others and this sent me down a dark path that resulted in my deepest rock bottom, or so I thought at the time.

On Easter Sunday I woke up, tired as usual, to my mom telling me that she needed me to call my grandmother and tell her that we were going to be late for our Easter lunch. I was confused as to why she needed me to dial the phone, she stated that she couldn’t dial the buttons. This sparked even more confusion, but I did as I was prompted and called my grandmother, letting her know. After lunch my mother started to complain that she was getting a terrible headache, so I took her home to get some medication and she eventually fell asleep. After a few days my grandmother thought it would be wise to get it checked out. She took my mom to the hospital to get an MRI to see what the cause of the headache was, promptly discovering something that no one had seen coming.

All I remember from that day was getting a note to leave class, getting a call from my dad, and calling my sister. My Dad called me and told me to head to the hospital because their was something wrong with my mom. Denying to tell me what was going on, I call my sister to demand the truth which came out in a serious of paragraphs all of which flew over my head except for the word stroke. This truly was the rock bottom of my life. My mother was everything important to me, she was who I depended on and who I looked to for guidance in the darkest of situations. So in my darkest of situations how do I prevail without the one who was supposed to help me the most?

I slowly started to get in the groove of making things in my life work, with the help of friends  to whom I am grateful for. But I soon started to have this feeling that confiding in people I cared for and trusted meant putting faith in something that could fall just as easily and harshly as my mothers stroke did. This idea, however true it actually was, left me feeling more alone than I had ever felt. Although I wasn’t entirely alone, it always felt as though I was riding a row boat in the middle of a hurricane. At any moment ready to fall to the depths once again.

As the time for summer to end came, the realization of college finally hit me. I question how well I could actually handle the day to day life completely alone, I’m not going to lie i was genuinely scared. Earlier this year however I already knew I was going to have plans at 5am working out with Trevor, which little did I know would impact me greatly. I started to go and work out with him and learn from him and suddenly I was thrown into a life style that completely changed how I experienced my own life.

Each day I fall more and more in love with it and find my self prioritizing it over everything else. Every time i feel stressed or confused I know I will be able to wake up and work my mind and body in ways that I never have before.  Now I’m not saying that you should work out every morning but you should definitely  try and find something in your life that helps keep you at a common point, something that holds you accountable for your feelings and actions.

Somedays might be harder than the others, which is something I have noticed, however keeping your life centered to one thing will make tremendous changes. “Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself” stated Marcus Aurelius, this idea is the belief that over all else you must be positive and content with your decisions. I often reflect on my story and what it means to me, the end result has shown that the importance of an anchor can affect how you simply see the world.

My one word of advice is that if you can’t rely on your anchor to pull you back in, then its not your anchor.

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